Dear Madam,
I am doing my 4th semester Engineering (Medical electronics). As I had done my diploma earlier, I got a seat in BE directly in the second year. I am an above average student but found it difficult to cope with my subjects. Also, due to ill health during the exams, I did not fare well and had five backlogs. I lost a year. I am very depressed and I cannot come out of this depression. When I think about it, I feel scared and cannot stop my tears. I have never had backlogs before and have always performed well.
I have cleared the backlogs but feel low about going back to college. I cannot concentrate as before. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake again.
Worried Student
Dear Worried Student,
If I understand you correctly, there are two reasons for you not doing well in your exams:
You found it difficult to cope with the Engineering subjects.
Ill health during exams.
If this is true then your not doing well in your exams is understandable and acceptable. In that case you are being harsh on yourself, which is leading to depression. Have you ever wondered why pencils generally have an eraser at the top end? Pencils do make mistakes and the eraser is to wipe out the mistakes. In the same way, erase the mistake you have made by learning to forgive yourself. Learn from the mistake and move on.
However if the reasons given by you for your performance are not true then you need to introspect and identify the causes. If you know the real causes, then solutions are possible.
I believe the main cause of your depression and grief is that you have not failed before this and your failure has been a blow to your ego and self esteem. You also do not know how to face your earlier classmates who are now ahead of you. It could also be that you are worried about being accepted by your juniors.
These are fears. These fears have become monsters that are dancing around in your head. Do you know, that you have given the fears the liberty to take over your life?
Snap out of your behaviour. You have already done a great job of clearing the backlog. Now go back to college, attend classes, participate in class, ask questions, study hard, go jogging, watch some TV, make friends and hang out with them at least once a week. Celebrate your life. It is worth it.
Dear Madam,
Right now I feel helpless. My brother is facing a severe crisis since 2001. He has now become violent and vents his frustrations on my old parents. They are having sleepless nights and my mother is having health problems due to this.
When my brother was in New York, his wife started having an affair with my second brother. My parents and I did not know about this. My second brother ran away with her cheating all of us. My elder brother could not handle his job in America, returned to India and was without a job for nine months. He started working thereafter but it so happened that both my brothers work for the same organisation in the same town. My second brother is having a gala time with his wife and her parents, in spite of knowing everything. Please tell me what to do?
SG
Dear SG
There are many gaps and several issues, left unsaid, for example:
What has been done since 2001?
What is the cause of the violence? Could it be possible that he is drowning his sorrows in alcohol?
I can understand that you are feeling helpless, because there is nothing much you can do. Your brother is an adult and should feel the need of help. He certainly does need help. In fact all of you should seek the help of a Family Therapist or Psychologist.
In the mean time please stop feeling bitter and looking for a scapegoat for your brother’s behaviour. I do not condone what your second brother and sister in law did, but it does not make sense to blame them for your first brother’s problems.