I was in a business meeting when my mobile rang. A twenty something, telemarketing for a foreign bank cooed: “Sir, we have a personal loan mela. And…” I lost my cool, shouted at the caller and disconnected. After the meeting one of my colleagues took me aside and gave valuable tips on attending telemarketing calls. “Never lose your cool; make them lose theirs”, were his clinching words.

I got a chance to put this advice to use the very next day. As soon as I heard the sweet voice talking about personal loans, I told in a sweeter voice that I was the Commissioner of Police and could I do anything for her. The line went dead.

The next time I used a different line. When asked whether I would be interested in availing personal loans, I said an enthusiastic “yes”.  The lady on the other line got excited.
“Sir, how much loan do you want?”
“Rs 15000 crores.”
“Sir... what...”
I told her that I am working for such and such bank (their competitor) and we could not use any thing less than that. She promptly disconnected. “This is … from ….. We see that you have bought a car last week. Would you be interested in some loans on it?” was how the next caller began.
“Oh, I would love that. By the by, what’s your name?" She said something.
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you dating some one?”
“No.”
“Do you have any plans to date?”
“Sir, why are you asking such intimate questions to me?” I was happy to see annoyance in her voice.
“See, lady, how irritated you are with just a few questions. And just imagine how irritated will I be when I get a call from a perfect stranger telling me about the car I have bought and offering something which I don't need?”  There was a deathly silence and then a disconnection.
Now I have started looking forward to these calls. They are the ultimate tests of my creativity and histrionic talents. I passed the test in flying colours last week.
“Sir, will you be interested in some personal loans?”
“Oh, I love roses very much.”
“Sir, this is … bank calling. We are marketing loans.”
“My favourite actor? The Big B.”
“Sir, we are giving loans to professionals.”
“I love you too.”