In the absence of homemaker

Last week, all the womenfolk in my home were out travelling. The kitchen was sealed shut leaving behind two men who cannot cook — my son and me. I had never been inclined towards cooking although for a brief period immediately after our marriage, my wife and I would spend time in the kitchen. She was learning to cook and I was still learning to... well, learning to..., you get the idea, right? It never ended in cooking.

Meanwhile, my wife had quickly raced to the finish line to become a master chef — she could multi-task, host several guests and in addition to having mastered the traditional Kerala Iyer recipes, she could rustle up North Indian delicacies as well as some decent ‘street food.’

Since unlike a new daughter-in-law, I had no pressure to prove myself, I ascended to more demanding skills such as reading newspapers and going for pleasant walks, which of course, I mastered in record time.

Not that I didn’t get an opportunity to cook. In fact soon after marriage, I was posted to Bangkok on a four-month assignment. A good part of my luggage consisted of kitchen paraphernalia — a pressure cooker, vessels, a book of recipes, a liberal supply of spices and other South Indian culinary ingredients. Unfortunately, the office found a hotel that came with an all-expenses-paid frill instead of an apartment where my cooking would have come of age, thereby crushing my dreams to become a master chef. No wonder, I still hold my employer responsible for not being able to cook!

Although my wife was away for just a week, my son and I learnt a lot of lessons from our experience of ‘not cooking.’ One, there was renewed interest in work towards the late evening. The idea was to stay long enough at work and use that as an excuse to have dinner on the way home. My son found lots of friends towards the evenings, probably for a similar reason.

Two, we wore special smiles when we bumped into our neighbours. There was a lingering hope that a proud display of a few extra teeth while smiling could get us an invite. Sadly, it didn’t work. Three, the instant noodles does not work three times a day. Four, cooked food kept in the fridge does not remain fresh forever. Five, several cups of tea consumed in quick succession does not constitute a meal.

Six, hunger can wake you up in sleep. Seven, one can lose weight in a week. Eight, cooking is easy… eating what is cooked is tough. Nine, always thank the women at home. Ten, always go on vacation as a complete family.