Meghan reveals she 'didn't want to be alive anymore'

Duchess of Sussex said she considered suicide or self harm after asking for help but getting none

Prince Harry's wife Meghan Markle on Sunday said she contemplated taking her own life after joining the royal family, and raised allegations of racism in the monarchy during an explosive television interview.

Explaining the couple's dramatic exit from royal life, Meghan said she was denied help during her mental health crisis, was targeted by lies, and that there was official concern about the skin color of her unborn son.

Meghan, whose father is white and mother is Black, spoke out in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that immediately became one of the most extraordinary chapters in recent royal history and was set to rock the British institution.

"I... just didn't want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought," she told Winfrey.

Asked if she was having suicidal thoughts, Meghan replied "Yes. This was very, very clear."

Recalling how she felt at the time, she said that "I'm scared, because this is very real. This isn't some abstract idea. This is methodical, and this is not who I am."

Also Read | Did everything we could to stay in Royal family, reveals Prince Harry

Meghan, 39, also told of royal "concerns" about "how dark" her son's skin would be, saying Harry revealed to her official concerns over Archie's appearance, as well as the security he would be entitled to, ahead of his birth on May 6, 2019.

"In those months when I was pregnant... we have in tandem the conversation of 'he won't be given security, he's not going to be given a title' and also concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he's born," Meghan told Winfrey.

After the couple's surprise decision to move to North America, the former television actress has been portrayed in some British newspapers as headstrong, calculating and spoiled, and the couple reckless and selfish for quitting royal life.

The two-hour interview with the queen of US television was the biggest royal tell-all since Harry's mother princess Diana detailed her crumbling marriage to his father Prince Charles in 1995.

Winfrey reportedly sold it to US broadcaster CBS for $7-9 million, and retained the international rights to the interview, which will feed an appetite of interest about Britain's centuries-old monarchy -- and their troubles -- across the globe.

Royal fans were offered a treat with the revelation by the couple of the gender of their second child -- the first senior royal due to be born outside Britain in 100 years.

"It's a girl!" Harry and Meghan chimed in tandem.

But it was a rare light-hearted moment in the drawn-out interview -- and viewers who tuned in to see if the pair had scores to settle with Buckingham Palace since leaving the royal frontline were likely to be shocked at how far they went.

Taking aim squarely at the royals, Markle flatly denied reports that she made Kate Middleton cry before her wedding to Harry -- saying the reverse was true.

"Everyone in the institution knew it wasn't true," Meghan told Winfrey of the reported incident -- pored over at great length by the gossip press.

"The reverse happened," Meghan added, saying that Kate "was upset about something, but she owned it, and she apologized."

"A few days before the wedding, she was upset about something pertaining -- yes, the issue was correct -- about flower girl dresses, and it made me cry, and it really hurt my feelings."

Also Read | Meghan reveals how Kate, Prince William's wife, made her cry just before wedding to Harry

Meghan called the incident "the beginning of a real character assassination" and "a turning point" in her relations with the royal family.

"I came to understand that not only was I not being protected but that they were willing to lie to protect other members of the family," she said.

Ahead of the broadcast, revelations emerged Meghan was facing an internal palace investigation into claims that she bullied royal household staff after she and Harry married in a fairytale wedding in 2018.

Further reports the couple are facing a probe into their charitable foundation have been seen as a counter-offensive by the embattled royals in a bitter battle for public support and sympathy.

Last month, when Buckingham Palace confirmed the couple would not return to their senior roles, it said they would not "continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service."

The Sunday Times said Queen Elizabeth II, 94, would not watch the interview.

The weekly quoted unnamed courtiers as calling the situation a "circus," and the palace would "come out swinging" if individuals are attacked.