With the coursework burgeoning and parents playing catch up to assist tweens with academics, it is now obvious that there has been a developing crevice that left Bengaluru shell-shocked last month. Finding cigarettes, condoms and contraceptives in school bags was a bolt from the blue for parents, teachers and society at large. What had been shunned as a remote possibility that transpires only in the West has left no scope for pre-emptive measures at the moment.
While globalisation and the availability of unrestricted online content quench the inquisitiveness of nascent minds, one must acknowledge that it is not comprehensive. Online content sets no precedent nor does it explain the
consequence. The amplifier being persona tracking by OTT players that suggest “similar content” as “viewers who watched this also watched these” suggestions.
What was a restricted set of physical friends and acquaintances that a child would interact with has now blossomed into the endless possibility of a virtual world that transcends the reachability restrictions of the old world. A digital device does help in a child’s curriculum but is a dedicated device necessary? Technology transcends
boundaries and gives power, but on the flip side, it gives food for unidirectional thoughts and actions.
How can parents address the elephant in the room? Start early, with tweens (children between 8 and 12 years). Secrecy increases curiosity. Explain platonically the biological significance, dwelling on the pre-requisite and the post-consequences. Comprehending the non-glamorised reality helps build a holistic view than fantasising about the obscure. Questions start trickling in gradually, hear them out to clear misconceptions if any. After the thoughts settle in, have a discussion around permissible age and ensuing responsibilities. After these topics are dwelled upon, it is important to discuss consent and force. The familiarity with the subject and the ease of conversation will have a lasting impact that would help in correct decision-making in the future as it sets the precedent. Learning and parenting do not stop with educating children. An occasional discussion about incidents from newspapers at the dinner table helps build judgement.
While parents are tempted to nag and compare only to encourage and propel their capability, it is important to highlight their capabilities and achievements. Remind
them of their small wins and appreciate the same as often as you can. While every child is unique they deserve to know that they are complete and perfect the way they are. Ask pointed questions like how many groups are there in class? Which groups do not get along well? Which group does the child prefer to be a part of? All the while adding the little “why” subtly. These questions make them conscious while simultaneously it builds a sense of belonging. Check with them regarding their aspirations, what it takes to get there and where the child is now. List out the checklists and offer them the support you can provide in their journey clearly calling out where the buck stops. Help them spot the bad apple. Help them spot the red flags and honey traps early on. Building confidence prevents them from yearning for acceptance by accepting challenges or following orders — the most common tactic to allure the first misstep. Occasional passing references about your own school friends and drawing parallels as a passing reference without being paranoid conveys the message impactfully.
Discuss the child’s fears. Help them write it down. Divide the problem and help them conquer it gradually one by one. Therapies and counselling should not be ruled out as it has proved to have helped millions. It is important to understand the root cause and address it with external help if necessary.
Make time and give space once a week for non-academic discussion. While no teen or tween would be forthcoming, a digital detox would help initiate a conversation. However, limited the conversation with the child may be, a careful observation of change in a child’s vocabulary goes a long way in identifying influences. Track the expenses of the child and self. Remember that money gives power and wings to an instantiation of thoughts. Tracking your own money is equally important with teens, not to the penny, not to the dime but a simple estimation should help early detection of the smoke. It is not to outsmart the child or drive a single-point agenda. It is better to be prepared and take preemptive measures than to fight a lost battle.