Is there a term for the many feelings that are evoked when old school friends meet? It is a mix, isn't it, of nostalgia, surprise, warmth, slight (sometimes not-so-slight) jealousy... Amidst the conversations that begin with 'we did this, remember?', 'we did that, oh damn' come up the curious queries about those who haven't made it to the reunion. One such friend had apparently "disappeared entirely". A shocked silence. A sudden flash of his visage. A rush of memories...
Turns out, the reality was much more prosaic. He had not er... disappeared, but merely did not have any social media presence. No Instagram, no Facebook, no WhatsApp either. The class wit went right ahead and declared 'Well, he does not exist.' Only half in jest.
A defining and damning statement, if there was one. To be off the grid is to be non-existent. You are because your social media profile is. Or so decrees current wisdom.
Free to disappear?
In her recent Emmy Awards speech, Michaela Coel who created, wrote, co-directed, and starred in the OTT series, 'I May Destroy You' said: "In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to, in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible, for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success. Do not be afraid to disappear, from it, from us, for a while, and see what comes to you in the silence."
That this statement came from Coel in the context of the award she had just won was more than a little ironic. The main character of 'I May Destroy You' is a young Twitter-star-turned-novelist in her late 20s, a millennial icon of sorts. In the show, her fame rests on her social media followers and she is, in the parlance of that space, an ‘influencer’.
But that aside, Coel’s statement was a direct comment, perhaps even an attack on the social media visibility culture that pervades our lives. That visibility can be passed off as success is a mantra of sorts and has been so for some time. Those who are less visible are deemed to be less successful. The pressure to share (perhaps even overshare) on social media is very real for many. And by doing so, a certain aura is created — of success, happiness, and achievement. Regardless of the realities.
People like academic Preeti Sampat who chose to leave, do so largely because of the media's apparent superficiality and supposed inability to portray a true picture. All kinds of questions, therefore, present themselves. Is visibility so vital? Can one be invisible? Can one strike a balance?
Being a 'Somebody'
Communications professional Karthik Srinivasan who goes by the online moniker of @beastoftraal is a believer in the power of social media. In his book on building one’s personal brand on social media, 'Be Social: Branding You Online', he talks of his journey in the space over the last several years besides offering advice on how others could undertake their own journey along the lines that he has. Perhaps, they could even chart their own path through a process of careful planning and thought.
Srinivasan’s account is one of how being in the space has helped his career tremendously. Admittedly, this didn’t happen overnight. He spent time and effort on understanding the medium and assiduously nurtured his online persona. He talks of ‘structure, rigour, and process’ thereby implying that the medium needs to be approached clinically with an end objective. For those who are willing to run the miles, he even prescribes a series of actions to further one’s agenda on the medium. The 10-10-5-5 model, for instance: 10 minutes for listening, 10 minutes for sharing, 5 minutes for connecting, and 5 five-minute slots through the day for listening and engagement.
Srinivasan talks of how the medium can broaden one’s circle of contacts, in particular, helping one reach out to second- and third-level contacts with a view to furthering one’s own career and interests.
The other 'visible' folks
While there are those who use social media with a sense of purpose, there are others who treat the medium as a rollercoaster ride of sorts. The thrill of the ride seems to be the focus of their online presence. And as roller-coasters go, their online life is something of a mixed bag, full of ups and downs. While oftentimes, they have interesting things to say or add to ongoing discussions, they also find themselves on the wrong foot on many occasions.
They spark off a debate by mouthing controversial opinions, sometimes confidently pass off unconfirmed information as indisputable fact and mostly get by on adrenaline, luck, and chutzpah. When cornered or shown the error of their ways, they may refuse to back down or act all contrite, depending on the mood, both theirs and the medium’s (their corner of the medium, that is). Theirs is not a thought-through process. They get by on a wing and a prayer but stay visible nevertheless.
And then is the dark underworld creature of social media — the troll.
The unmythical troll
Once upon a time, trolls were mythical creatures often depicted as ugly giants or dwarfs. The meaning has since metamorphosed to refer to people who make deliberately offensive or provocative online posts. The troll seeks to disrupt, annoy and bring out the worst in a person. For active social media users, the periodic ‘invasion of the trolls’ is a real problem.
Plenty of help exists on the net that aims to advise people as to how to spot and handle trolls. Ignore them is one. Report them is another. But as well-meaning as these are, the fact remains that trolls are the net’s most invasive species, who do what they do, under the cover of anonymity. Their relative invisibility (assumed names, no pictures of themselves) is what fuels their murky online life.
The lurkers and the ghosts
Trolls operate under the cloak of invisibility for obvious reasons, but invisibilities of other kinds exist as well. There are those who lurk on social media. They wander through the platform(s) imbibing but leave no visible footprint in the form of ‘likes’ or ‘comments’. In a sense, they are the ghosts of social media who are around in the virtual world but don’t reveal themselves.
And then there are the truly invisible who are just not there. Like my aforementioned school friend. They are the kind whom Srinivasan likens to ‘sitting in their bedroom with the lights off.' They either don’t understand the medium, often don’t want to, and are, ostensibly, happier and content. Or just plain boring and dull.
But does it have to be this way? Can one be something of a centrist?
Seeking balance
Arunima Mazumdar, a public relations professional, has been on Twitter for more than a decade. An early convert to Twitter, she took to the platform like a duck to water. Since then though, her relationship with the platform has waxed and waned. In the initial phase, she was a lifestyle journalist and she found Twitter a useful medium to find sources, look for ideas and later on, publicise her work. There is much in the medium that is worthwhile in her opinion. One can build good work- and hobby-related relationships, discover the interesting and unusual work that people do, get an opportunity to engage with famous people, and do myriad other things that could help steer the course of one’s life and work. Besides, it can be an interesting space to gather information and knowledge.
But equally, the medium can be soul-sapping and demeaning.
Controversy, it appears, generates eyeballs and ‘followers’. This often happens when you comment on a trending topic and have a decided opinion which you state unequivocally. Soon, as if from nowhere, cheerleaders emerge. And then inevitably, the trolls come for you. In a matter of minutes, a war of words, akin to the London blitzkrieg, has broken out and your utterances are at the centre of it. It takes a brave and thick-skinned one to shrug away the barbs hurled at you and continue as before.
The key to staying in the game is, therefore, ‘balance’. How much of yourself can you give to the medium? If you choose to comment on controversial issues, are you thick-skinned enough to chin up and face the opprobrium that will follow? These are worth thinking about, as is to remind yourself of the most basic question: what are you there for?
Social media can be an addiction. It can leave you feeling inadequate, stressed, and worn out. Equally, it can be rewarding. It could further your career and keep you in touch. Whether to be on it or not is indeed the Hamletian dilemma of our times.
FOMO or JOMO?
An old Twitter snark talks about how people tweet before and after a digital detox. Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) stalks the detoxers apparently; but now, many have discovered JOMO — the Joy Of Missing Out! This latest acronym refers to the pleasures of taking a break from one's digital life and enjoying every moment of it. While digital detox may have become another social media fad to indulge in, if done in the right earnest, it does have its benefits. Simply put, it refers to a period of time when a person abstains from something — it might be using the smartphone itself or something less drastic like simply logging off social media sites. Essentially detoxing is about turning the focus on real-life social interactions without online distractions. By choosing to forgo digital devices, at least temporarily, people can recover from the stress that arises out of constantly staying connected and engaging on various media.
Dos and Don'ts
* Pay attention to crafting your social media profile(s).
* If you are listing your achievements, don't hold back — this is where you ought to be unabashed.
* Work on your articulation and precis writing skills.
* Cultivate nuance and sobriety.
* Don't indulge in thinking aloud on the net. It never forgets and what you said could come back to haunt you.
* Always remember the dictum: Fools rush in where angels fear to tread!
* Do not lose track of why you are on social media in the first place. If you do not know, figure that out first.
The author is a publishing professional who writes on literature, language, and history.
Here's the Emily Dickinson poem we refer to:
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you — Nobody — too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise — you know!
How dreary — to be — Somebody!
How public — like a Frog —
To tell one's name — the livelong June —
To an admiring Bog!