Ma, why does Grandma have to do everything that Grandpa wants? She just smiles when I tell her this is patriarchy, and she should stand up for herself…. She doesn’t understand what I am saying!! I started thinking when I was her age. The present younger generation seems to be much more aware. But then, isn’t it too much to expect my mom’s generation to understand this?
I started pondering over this question, in the context of grandmothers who are seventy and above. I am struck by what they have witnessed across all areas — be it communication, education, awareness of women’s rights, freedom, financial independence, the role of patriarchy etc. Every generation witnesses change. But what they have seen is mind-blowing, especially from a woman’s perspective. I doubt if any of us would witness such drastic changes in one lifetime. Most of them, at least in their early years, would have:
Stepped out only with a male member and would be now seeing women owning cars or flying planes.
Had minimal access to a radio (typically reserved for the master of the house) and would be seeing everyone watching shows of their choice on their devices.
Never thought it is OK to admit to feeling tired and not cook for a day vs…
Never thought it is natural to laugh and chat sitting next to their father vs…
Never thought about why they are seen as impure during their menstrual periods vs……
Never had money to buy a gift for their parents vs……
Never thought they were victims of the patriarchal setup that drew a boundary around what they could or could not do, what they wore or not, what they were exposed to or not, what they were meant to like or not.
And the list continues...
At the same time, we do realise so many situations in our homes where they have also contributed to sustaining the patriarchal views. When we blame the men around us, we do attribute a large chunk of the accusations to these women, who reared these men, who had the opportunity to do it differently.
What we tend to forget is that much of what we are aware of today may be difficult for many of them to relate to. Their awareness while growing up was limited by the contexts in which they lived.
What does it mean to us? Are we limited in our views or are we open to increase our awareness? And are we ready to go to that woman, the grandmother in our house, who lived in a different era and talk to her? Given a choice, what would she indulge in? And the most important question — How would she have lived if she were in her prime today? You would be surprised at what you will hear from her. And, if you closely observe you may become aware of the actual gap — in how you have been looking at her until now vs how you would see things through her eyes…
(The author is the host of a podcast that examines challenges faced by today’s Indian woman and proposes actionable strategies set in the Indian context.)