When five-year-old Muskaan returns home from kindergarten, her granny welcomes her at the door with a warm cuddle. After some time, while ajji pushes the mishmash of ragi mudde down her throat, thata entertains her until the ghee-laced plate is empty. The entire afternoon, the grandfather keeps the child engaged, playing with her and helping her with homework. In the evening, the septuagenarian couple takes the child to a nearby park, then dinner time and two bedtime stories later, the happy threesome calls it a day. The routine continues only to be interrupted briefly
on Friday evenings, when Muskaan’s parents take her home, and return the child to the caregivers on Sunday evening.
The arrangement works well for everyone. The grandparents have something to fill their day, besides the bonus of bonding with the grandchild, and the parents are able to pursue their careers, without having to worry about picking up and dropping the child at a crèche. It would’ve been ideal if they all lived under one roof, but due to work-related compulsions, it made sense for the son and daughter-in-law to stay close to the office and it is not possible for the elderly couple to leave their abode and unsettle themselves in their twilight years. So they forged the middle path.
But sometimes Muskaan refuses to go with her parents. To the child, her grandparents’ house is her permanent home and her parents’ place is the weekend home. “Every time my son comes to pick her up, Muskaan has to be coaxed and bribed to go with him,” says the doting grandmother. The grandparents love the attention that the child bestows on them. “It is like becoming a parent for the second time,” the grandfather says with a smile.
Family matters
Grandparents are in demand again for a permanent role in their grandchild’s life. It is not just a summer job anymore, as was the norm a decade or two ago, when the resources were limited and the parents preferred to pack their children off to nani or dadi’s house, rather than heading for a cruise or a holiday in Europe.
Until the beginning of 21st century, when not many women worked, couples detested the idea of a joint family. Living with the in-laws or any interference from the girl’s parents was a big ‘No’. More women have now entered the workforce, and if mothers go to work, then who will take care of children, home and the cooking? Whether out of choice or compulsion, the joint family system, which was earlier showing signs of decay, is gradually making a happy comeback.
Ranjans proudly call themselves “available on call” grandparents. “I love the joint family set up, where the grandchildren get to know their roots and grandparents teach them family values and traditions. It is a proven fact that the grandparents pass on age-old wisdom to their grandkids better than the parents themselves. Young couples are too busy with their careers and social engagements, and don’t have the time or patience to keep their kids engaged,” says Shashi Ranjan, a grandmother to four.
The Ranjan couple shuttles between Mysuru, where they live, and Benguluru, which is home to their two sons. Their travels depend on their grandchildren’s holidays. “Becoming a grandparent is the best stage of one’s life because you get to enjoy the little ones without the stress of raising them,” Ranjans say in unison.
A growing necessity
Out of seven middle-aged couples I interviewed for this article, four were either living with their elderly parents or leaving their kids in the grandparents’ care, though not always out of choice. The rest wished their parents lived closer. Ayahas or nannies, however trained they may be, can’t substitute the love and care grandparents can provide. Can they?
The children are obviously a happy lot. Which child doesn’t like being pampered and coddled by the grandparents. Grandparents and grandchildren share a unique bond. Sometimes this bond is stronger and deeper than the one between children and their own parents. Grandparents love to spoil their grandkids with gifts, time and attention. There is another reason why children love their grandparents. Whenever there is a tussle between the parents and kids, grandparents step in to side with the grandkids. So the kids always have someone who is in their team permanently.
Unbreakable bonds
Karan lives with his grandparents in Mangaluru, while his parents live in Canada. Once a year, he travels abroad along with his grandparents to spend some time with his parents. But even in Canada, Karan sleeps next to his dadima. Feeding him, giving him a bath, taking him to the park, everything has to be done by the grandmother. Next year, when Karan turns five, he might have to move to Canada permanently to start his schooling. Karan’s parents are already jittery about looking after the child all by themselves, as the boy is attached to the grandmother, not sure if he would be able to stay without her. Not only this; as both the parents work and the babysitting services being expensive, crèche is not their first option. The parents are now reconsidering their choices.
What is so magnetic about this relationship? One school of thought opines — since the grandparents as parents couldn’t enjoy their own children as much as they had wanted to, because of their own professional obligations and responsibilities at home, after having fulfilled all their duties, they are free to indulge in the fun that they have missed with their own children. And kids would obviously lean towards someone who gives them love, attention and time.
Every relationship in life is subject to change, but not the love between grandparents and grandchildren. In fact, the bond between the two only evolves and strengthens with time and age. Grandparents are no longer just babysitters. Always eager to pass on the wisdom, which comes only with experience and age, they are a calming presence and pillars of support in a child’s life.
Do you miss your nani’s warm hugs or spending afternoons working with your dadaji in his garden? It is time to celebrate the old hands who have shielded you from your parents’ ire and gently patted you to sleep when you had nightmares. This Grandparents Day, give your thatha and ajji a call and share love.