Our tolerance level often runs low while interacting with those we live with, and this has something to do with sharing one’s personal space. We tend to overstep without realising it.
“Make me happy by being the way I want you to be, doing the things as I want them to be done. Don’t make mistakes,” is usually the thought that’s running through our mind when we interact with a roommate or partner.
Every time you feel a twinge of irritation, or a wave of anger that swallows all logic, or an urge to make a face behind that person’s back, pause and ask yourself calmly, “Would I like to live with myself? Would I be happy, comfortable, peaceful if I had to listen to these harsh words and deal with these eyes full of fury? Would I love this person that I’m projecting just now?” Don’t follow this up with justification of any sort. Just ask yourself the question. In short, put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
To justify is to keep stewing in egoistic anger. There is no equanimity here. But when you question without emotion, you turn the spotlight on your behaviour, and gradually the negative passions subside and the mind calms down.
Sri Aurobindo enlightens us with this insight: “Self-justification is always a sign of ego and ignorance. Insensitivity is the result or sign of an inflated ego.” Remember these words so that you’re never led astray by your lower self.
But how do you continue to live amicably, peacefully with one another? How do you avoid getting irritated?
By reading, absorbing, accepting and understanding your partner. Let the powerful message of love and acceptance sink into your subconscious and rise at key moments to remind you to be calm and forgiving.
Here’s a story that can teach you to live amicably with your near-and-dear ones.
One evening at the park, a man and woman are seated on a bench, each watching his and her child. “That’s my son,” says the woman pointing to a toddler running tirelessly up and down a slope.
Says the man, “He’s a strong little fellow. That’s my daughter on the tricycle.” Then, as the clock struck six, he calls out to his daughter, “Lila, shall we go home now?” Lila pleads, “Just five more minutes, Papa, please?” The man consents and Lila rides on. Fifteen minutes later, the man reminds his daughter, “Shall we go?” Again, little Lila pleads, “Five more minutes, Papa!” The father nods smilingly. As the clock strikes seven, the woman says, “You sure are a patient father!”
The man smiles faintly and says quietly, “While Lila has five more minutes to ride her tricycle, the truth is that I am blessed with five more minutes to watch her play.” The lesson to learn from this story is that you must be willing to show unconditional patience while dealing with a partner. Notice the change in your relationship once you make changes to yourself.
(The writers are authors of the book, ‘Fitness for Life’, and teachers of the Fitness for Life programme.)