A second shot at happiness

There is societal expectation that widows are supposed to desexualise themselves, an expectation that is made not only by old, orthodox people but young, so-called progressive folks too, observes Chintan Girish Modi

Simone Singh (left) in Four More Shots Please!

Why does a widow’s desire for companionship and romance produce discomfort in other people? What makes adult sons and daughters judge their mothers for wanting a new partner after the old one has passed away? Why are these women made to feel as if they are not mourning as much as they should be? These questions popped up in my mind after watching the Bollywood film Doctor G and Season 3 of the web series Four More Shots Please!

In Doctor G, directed by Anubhuti Kashyap, actor Sheeba Chaddha plays an aspiring chef called Shobha Gupta who raised her son Uday as a single mother after her husband passed away. She wants to have her own YouTube channel to showcase her culinary skills, and is also looking for a compatible partner for herself by browsing profiles on Tinder. Her son is a medical student who has been forced to study gynaecology because his scores in the qualifying competitive examination are not high enough to get him a seat in the orthopaedics department.

Uday is embarrassed by his mother’s search for a significant other. He does not see that there is more to her life than taking care of him. When Shobha finds a man who respects her and whom she enjoys being with, Uday throws a tantrum and drives the man out of the house. While Shobha understands that Uday is hurt, she does not molly-coddle him. She stands up for herself and gently explains to him that she had put her own needs on hold to attend to Uday’s needs when he was a child. He is a grown-up now, and she wants to pursue her own happiness.

I hope that this character’s inner strength gives hope to many widows who encounter the film. Shobha’s very existence is a call to discard the narrative of guilt that is foisted upon women who dare to imagine a new life in the midst of loss and grief. She is unafraid to try out things that might appear new-fangled because she wants to have the chance to experience joy again. I also hope that this character opens the eyes of sons like Uday who are so caught up with their own dreams and anxieties that they do not recognise that mothers too need to be looked after.
In Season 3 of Four More Shots Please!, created by Rangita Pritish Nandy and directed by Joyeeta Patpatia, actor Simone Singh plays Sneha Patel who is distraught after her husband dies because life seems devoid of any meaning. It does not help that her daughter Siddhi, who is an occasional stand-up comic, is extremely harsh when Sneha tries to go out with a man. Siddhi is scared that her father is being replaced in Sneha’s life. This assumed betrayal makes Siddhi say and do things that are totally immature, disregarding the fact that Sneha’s quest for warmth and affection can exist alongside the pain that she is experiencing from bereavement.

Unlike Shobha who acknowledges, names, and claims what she requires of her son, Sneha decides to give in to her daughter’s tantrums. Sneha feels apologetic for seeking the company of a man who makes her feel understood and comforted, especially because he is a recent widower. Siddhi is upset with Sneha because she convinces herself that her mother is only looking for sex.

One would have expected a younger woman like her who is supposedly progressive when it comes to matters of sexual pleasure to have been more supportive of Sneha. Siddhi realises how toxic her behaviour is only when her friends point out the same.

Thankfully, Uday and Siddhi make amends. Doctor G and Four More Shots Please! hold up a mirror to how our society continues to ill-treat widows, denying them dignity and agency. I hope that these fictional portrayals will contribute in some way to making a difference in our world.

(Chintan Girish Modi is a freelance writer, journalist and educator who tweets @chintanwriting)