In a web of loneliness

Even as adolescents are fighting isolation and yearn to be in the real world, coping is the need of the hour, writes Anupama Ramakrishnan

Twelve-year-old Ishaan (name changed) dreams of becoming a footballer “like Ronaldo”. Practice sessions were an integral part of his life. And then the pandemic struck. With the closure of schools, he has to wait on the sidelines to get back to his goals. “I am sad, I can’t practice football with my friends,” said Ishaan. “The last time I played football was in my school grounds and that was long ago.”

The virus has indeed altered lifestyles. Adolescents are fighting loneliness and yearn to be in the real world. With social interactions non-existent, they are stuck in a world of uncertainty. “Lockdown has pushed youngsters into isolation with one or both parents either working from or at home,” explained Sunanda Vinayachandran, a psychologist. “Day after day, in the absence of physical contact or communication to vent out the pent-up energy, children contain their emotions knowing the magnanimity of the disease outside their homes and the change in roles in their homes,” she said.

According to Sunanda, the severity of emotions is more obvious in those who are already suffering from some minor anxiety, as adolescents usually do in their process of finding self, and battling with the academic pressure.

“Ishaan hasn’t played football since March,” his mother informed. An only child and an active one at that, he is trying to engage himself in other activities, she said. “Because of the online classes, I spend a lot of time in front of the computer. I play mobile games too but I read before going to bed,” said Ishaan. What bothers Ishaan is he can’t go outside and play. “I talk to my friends through video calls or WhatsApp. But I want to be in the real class with my real friends,” he said.

Loneliness in adolescents can lead to long-term effects. “Long-term implications can be varied — from developing chronic loneliness to many similar challenges,” Sunanda said.

In the last few months, she has seen cases “ranging from minor situation-based anxiety issues to attempts of self-harm, inability to make sense of the world outside their rooms to severe sense of hopelessness, addictions, mostly screen, to social media, gaming or porn. “All these are signs of loneliness,’’ she added.

“Complete dependence on screens is adding to these emotions,” said Sunanda. “While screens present a rosy picture, they do not satiate any of the senses, triggering of which are essential for well-being.”

Adolescents are caught in a net of uncertainty, and without their peers and friends, they feel incomplete. The truth is it is more difficult for adolescents to cope with loneliness than adults.

“Adolescents thrive on the exchange of energies when interacting with each other on a physical plane,” said Sunanda. “It is also the phase in life to build a self-identity as they constantly strive to discover themselves among peers and adults.”

“In the absence of lack of validation from society and peers, they withdraw into a shell. This could become a period of gap in an adolescent life if not handled well,” she said.

“Building resilience is essential. With proper handling, adolescents can be held at a “waiting” space instead of giving a feeling of “give up”. Besides the needs for triggering their senses and interactions with peers for validation, bodily needs include exposure to sunlight,” explained Sunanda.

Building resilience, according to her, would involve counting one’s blessings, sunlight, interactions with peers through video calls, physical activities at home, and using free time for creative activities.

Besides, she pointed out how parents “need to make a very conscious effort to involve children in activities at home.’’

Ishaan is, in the meantime, waiting for things to be normal. “I desperately want to see my friends. I have so many best friends. I just want school to reopen.”

“Britain appointed a Loneliness Minister to deal with their loneliness,” informed Sunanda.

“With a well-woven fabric of family relationships, we may not need a minister, but we could certainly do with some acceptance of loneliness as an issue that needs attention.”