Don’t judge a person for attempting suicide or trivialise their intent. Questions like ‘What’s the need?’ or ‘What will your parents think?’ amount to dismissing the experiences they have endured and are not constructive, mental health professionals say.
If you want to help, engage them in small talk until it takes the edge off how they are feeling.
A 42-year-old man threatened to jump off the terrace of his four-storey building in HSR Layout last Friday. It took police, emergency service personnel and residents over an hour to convince him to reconsider his decision. He was then sent to a hospital.
Counselling psychologist Afifa Kauser says laypersons can save lives in situations where someone is on the verge of taking their life. “Empathy is a universal trait. Show empathy and instil some hope,” she advises.
Who to call
Don’t dial 100 and call the cops or an ambulance without their permission. “Ask if there’s anybody they trust and if they would like that person to come over. Or, ask them if you can call an NGO, a hospital or the police for help,” says Afifa.
Nelson Vinod Moses, founder of Suicide Prevention India Foundation, adds, “Call 100 only if the person is not engaging with you. If you do call 100, ensure they get post-hospitalisation care. There’s an increased risk of suicide after they are discharged,” he says.
What to say
Be calm and talk to them from a safe distance. You can start by asking ‘Are you okay? Would you like to talk about what’s going on?’ and move on to telling them, ‘I am sorry you feel like jumping off. I am sorry for your pain. Your life is worth living.’
At no point should you try changing their mind or offering solutions, says counselling psychologist Shanu Ben Choudhary. Also refrain from “lecturing them to look at the bright side of life” or making false promises, says Afifa.
Both your words and body language should assure them that despite being a stranger, you are there for them. “Tell them ‘Maybe you asked for help before and didn’t get it. But I am here now’. It could have happened that they phoned their friend or parent in their worst moment but their call went unanswered,” says Shanu.
According to Moses, talking about suicide may reduce, rather than increase, suicidal ideation. It may also lead to accepting help. “Let them share their story. Once you think you have won their trust, ask if they would like to end their life or for the pain to end. Persuade them to meet a mental health professional,” he says.
Don’t leave them alone. Afifa’s advice: Wait until somebody takes your place, or at least move them away from the site of danger.
Free resources for help
Suicide Prevention India Foundation has compiled free resources for people feeling suicidal, suicide attempt survivors, those who have lost loved ones to suicide, and people looking to help others. These contain helplines, chat-based services, grief counsellors, group therapists, queer-friendly professionals, survivor stories, and dos and don’ts. Visit spif.in.