Marriage in the time of opposites

As the phrase goes, opposite poles attract—refers to a fundamental principle in physics. When two magnets are brought close to each other, the north pole of one magnet will attract the south pole of the other. This is because opposite magnetic poles create a force that pulls them together. In human relationships, the idea is that opposites can attract because they provide a dynamic balance where each person brings something the other lacks. However, successful relationships often require a mix of both complementary differences and shared values or goals.

This tale is about my best half and me. The differences start from early morning at home; while she is a coffee lover, I am a chai lover. She watches online and I prefer books, and these opposites continue till sleep time; she doesn’t want a fan, and I need it at speed 5.

We are absolutely chalk and cheese, with different languages, religions, states, and, of course, genders. Not sure if the match was made in heaven; for sure it was made in Yercaud during our college days. Her idea of a holiday is a beach, while mine is the meandering hills. Travel packing is a few days job for her and a few minutes for me.

She is a mocktail drinker, and me, let's just say, is not a teetotaller; she is a biker, and I am a jeeper. She is a strict vegetarian and I eat anything that moves. She loves to pop medicine pills at the slightest discomfort, and the last one that I popped was in the last century. She loves to do laundry, and I hate it. I go to sleep the moment I hit the bed, and she takes time to hit Slumberland.

In Chinese philosophy, describing an opposite but interconnected, self-perpetuating cycle, yin and yang describe the two complementary forces that make up all aspects and phenomena of life. It encompasses the actual process of the universe and all that is in it. Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary and, at the same time, opposing forces that interact to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the assembled parts and the parts are important for the cohesion of the whole.

To have poles attract and remain there, we need to learn to compromise and never stop learning from past incidents. Make sure to carve out time to spend with your own friends and explore your own interests, and give your partner the space to do the same. 

In the three decades that we've been together, we've realised we have just three things in common: Illayaraja music, masala dosa at al-fresco dining, and long drives to new destinations. Maybe we'll have one more common love in this decade. As Robert C Dodds described, “the goal of marriage is not to think alike but to think together.”