Not all men, but enough

Unfortunately, the pandemic is not the only misfortune the country is facing right now. The ‘Bois Locker Room’ incident brought back traumatic memories for many women in the country. Instagram conversations of an all-boys group of over 50 teenage boys from South Delhi were leaked on May 2 when an Instagram user spoke about how she was sent horrid screenshots of the chats. The group got together to send objectionable pictures of minor girls, morphing them, using abusive language and talking about “gang-raping girls” and “leaking their nudes”.

In a span of five days, numerous screenshots of teenage boys slut-shaming women, objectifying them, unfurled on various social media platforms. Male activists and women-bashers lashed out immediately, coming out with the #NotAllMen barrage. What was not shocking was that multiple women shared personal accounts of harassment. And as usual, men dismissed it as “attention-seeking behaviour.”

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Misogyny is so deeply entrenched in our society that women end up questioning themselves over men’s toxic behaviour. ‘Bois locker room’ is not a unique incident. Casual sexism is common across the world, regardless of class, caste or country. From widely sharing ‘wife jokes’ on WhatsApp to assassinating the character of a woman for dressing a certain way -- women are talked about as lesser humans.

“Boys will be boys” -- this has time and again been used to emphasise and normalise that it is okay for men and boys to make degrading comments about women. The root of it all goes back to the patriarchal society we live in. Men occupy the authoritative positions, and women are reduced to feeding them and breeding for them. Men cannot be held singularly responsible. We have repeatedly heard mothers that things should be done in a certain way because “we are girls”. Young girls are told that chores are their responsibility and not their brothers’. This only aggravates the problem. It makes young girls believe that it is okay for a man to assert authority.

At a party, a male ‘friend’ from my university came to me and told me, “This guy hooked up with that girl from our class.” This was obviously gossip until he went on to say, “He secretly recorded the whole thing. Trust me you don’t want to see how her body looks naked.”

Also Read: Bois locker room case: Here's all you need to know

I was at a loss for words, and numb. At that point, I did not know how to react to what he had just said. “It is not okay to do that,” was all I could say. I realise today that what is not okay is to not call out and combat this behaviour.

While there are 16-year-old girls on the internet propagating the idea of feminism and creating a safe space for women, there are also old men sliding into minor’s DMs.

Rape jokes are passed along as edgy humour. Commenting on a woman’s body is the first thing that trolls come up with, no matter what the context.

But women objectify men, too? The day after the incident came to light for glorifying rape culture, the twitter army took over and #GirlsLockerRoom was trending all day long.

Yes, women objectify men, too. There are ‘thirsty’ pictures and videos shared on chats via various accounts. Recently, an Instagram account called qualiteaposts was trending for posting flirtatious videos of male actors.

Society still likes to place the blame on women by asking questions like “but why did that girl do this or do that?” It is always the fault of a woman. But then again, not all men do this, right? Yes, not all men, but enough men.