‘Unfriending’ is an ‘asocial tool’ well-known on Facebook. And its lesser-known cousin, ‘uninviting’, is gaining notoriety in social circles. The term may be new, but believe me, the concept is old.
Twenty-five years ago I learnt with a shock that after inviting, you could ‘uninvite’! ‘Modus Operandi’? Subtlety will suffice! Help the invitee get a second thought somehow to realise that the intent to invite was hardly there!
I was then in a marriage hall in Basavanagudi when my cousin invited me to visit his Hulimavu bungalow. Arriving from Pune, I hardly knew the labyrinthine Bangalore. Therefore he offered a ride, planning to leave after lunch. But he changed plans after meeting his uncle — a bank manager, vis-à-vis a non-descript corporate executive like me! He met me after lunch and hinted that I should take an auto for his home since uncle and aunt were accompanying him. Leaving in haste, he suggested that I get directions from his brother who must be somewhere down the hall.
Oh, he did not know that I had already heard the two of them conversing, and his brother had left for good! Well, it is another thing that we have not met after I settled in Bengaluru seven years ago.
Sometimes you get a call about a function saying that the invitation and Google Map for directions are being sent in WhatsApp. Alas! The invitation arrives solo. You cannot find a new location in Bengaluru without a map. Not willing to miss the feast and/or offend your host, you condescend, call, and request him to send the map. Does nothing happen? Presume that you were ‘uninvited’!
The wedding of a relative’s daughter is fixed. His teenage son brings the invite explaining that dad was busy, and would definitely phone later. You forgive this close-enough relative for skipping a personal visit. But you will know you were ‘uninvited’ when the promised call doesn’t come.
A friend phones you about his son’s wedding, profusely expressing regrets for not visiting personally, and asking you to send your mailing address by WhatsApp for despatching the invite. You send your address promptly. Somehow the invite never arrives. The two blue ticks against your ‘sent’ message may hint that you were after all ‘uninvited’. A friend told me this. After working closely with the head honcho of a corporate for 15 years, he quit for personal reasons much against the latter’s wishes. Their relationship continued to look cordial. However, six months later, he received the boss’s only daughter’s wedding card, soon followed by an invite signed by and in the name of the boss’s PA! Not even a phone call from the boss!
The list may go on, what with the ingenuity of humans!