Yes, that’s myself I’m talking to but I’m not crazy

It’s a challenge for me to even string sentences together to write this column. India is hurting and people are experiencing devastating, irreparable losses. There’s an overwhelming sense of anger, anxiousness, and helplessness. What can I possibly say that’s worth reading at a time like this? There are already enough opinions about the current situation and what has caused it. Yet, to write about anything unrelated seems frivolous and irrelevant.

Amid the isolation and uncertainty, I find I’m talking to myself way more often than usual. Instead of the incessant background chatter from the annoying little voice in my head, it’s a conscious conversation. I’m inclined to be my own harshest critic but now I’m trying to encourage and support myself. “It’s hard today, I know, but let’s get through this together,” I say. “It’s okay to feel like this, let’s express it.” (Meltdown sometimes follows). “What do you need right now?” “Shall we go out to the terrace and get some sun?” “You’re doing so well today, I’m proud of you.”

This self-talk has become even more important as I repetitively process distressing new developments and readjust my expectations. The emotions can be overwhelming, and I make it worse by focusing on things I shouldn’t and then giving myself insomnia. Afterwards, I end up apologising to myself. “I’m really sorry I did that to you and you’re so tired,” I console my body, while feeling slightly deranged.

While this could indeed be deemed a sign of deteriorating mental health, more likely it’s actually keeping me sane. There’s fascinating research to support my “madness”. According to cell biologist and epigenetics expert Bruce Lipton Ph.D., author of The Biology of Belief, our thoughts affect every cell in our body. The cells listen and respond to emotion, and our beliefs influence the expression of our genes. Therefore, it’s essential to show ourselves love and compassion, especially if we’re suffering or fearful. Engaging in positive, reassuring conversations with our body will encourage it to cooperate and overcome whatever we’re facing. It will also enable us to tap into its wisdom and let it communicate how it’s feeling.

A friend of mine recently had the virus and consulted four different doctors. However, they all recommended different treatment. Understandably confused about what course of action to take, he ultimately decided to listen to his body. What was it telling him? Fever was his only symptom, and the investigative tests came back satisfactory. He realised there was no need for aggressive treatment, and recovered well with minimal medications. My brief brush with the virus recently, after my husband had it, was different but also influenced by the signals from my body. Slight tightening and pain in my chest, and the fact that I’ve had pneumonia in the past, warned me to increase my prophylactic medication and add the antibiotic my doctor recommended to stop it progressing. I did, and it resolved.

While our body regularly speaks to us to convey what it requires, the problem is we frequently ignore it. During times of stress, we disconnect as a way of coping but this is when our body wants us to be present with it the most. Research indicates that when we’re upset, it’s most effective to chat with ourselves in the third person. Addressing ourselves by name creates detachment from our emotions, so we can reason better and be more objective. Rather than thinking of ourselves as racked with guilt or grief, we may view ourselves as a vulnerable friend who deserves care and attention. It’s difficult, but as I was once told, the only person who can really support you in the way you need is yourself. It’s true. No matter what changes, the one person who will always be there on my side with me is me. We are all going through tough times, it’s crucial to treat ourselves kindly.