Build resilience and overcome setbacks

It is important to reassure yourself that this crisis is not going to be permanent.

This year is likely to be remembered as a watershed year by practically all students. Besides a long hiatus in the regular academic calendar, students have had to contend with myriad uncertainties. From a lack of closure for graduating classes to botched plans of going overseas for higher studies to entering the workforce in a floundering economy, students are justified in feeling overwhelmed. Further, if they are fortunate to have devices and connectivity, adjusting to online learning can be an added strain. And for those who don’t have access, the digital divide may further widen the chasm between the economically well off and the less-well-to-do as they are likely to fall behind academically.

As Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and psychologist Adam Grant acknowledge in their book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy, life can throw us curveballs such that our original plans simply cannot pan out. For many students, Option A has been snuffed out by the Covid-19 pandemic. As a result, the consequences may seem catastrophic that you are consumed by self-pity. An incessant flurry of “Why me?” thoughts may meander through your head and lodge themselves like an ox-bow lake. Further, you are frustrated that you cannot make any plans as umpteen question marks loom over the horizon.

When will my finals be conducted? When will the next academic year start? How long will I have to continue with online learning? Does it make sense to apply to overseas institutions right now? While these uncertainties are likely to persist for a while, it doesn’t mean that you just throw up your hands and surrender to despair. Even as doubt dogs your mind, remember that your “belief and actions could shape” how you navigate and emerge from this crisis.

Sandberg and Grant remind us that resilience can be built or learned. Instead of viewing negative events through the lens of pessimism, positive psychologist Martin Seligman argues that those who process setbacks as temporary and specific without personalising the blame on themselves are more likely to rebound.

Though nobody really knows when Covid-19 will abate, reassure yourself that this crisis is not going to be permanent. Even if you feel that your entire future has been decimated by a mere virus, identify all that is right in your life such as you and hopefully, your loved ones, are alive and well. Remind yourself that you have a home, a family, friends and yes, even a future to look forward to. Moreover, don’t castigate yourself or your stars.

Label your feelings

Even as you cultivate resilience, your emotions are likely to seesaw unpredictably. Instead of ignoring or dismissing baneful feelings, try to label them. As Sandberg and Grant advise, “The more specific the label, the better.” Instead of telling yourself that you are feeling crummy, discern if you are irritated, lonely, despondent or angry. Zeroing in on the emotion is likely to help you cope with it better.

A time of crisis is also likely to awaken the demon of self-doubt in us. Reassure yourself that this is natural and not indicative of how you may feel after three, six or nine months down the road. Most importantly, treat yourself with kindness. If you find that you are not able to focus as well during online classes, don’t berate yourself. If you believe that you are not as productive as last semester, know that this phase will also pass.

Finally, find solace in the fact that calamitous events can also have sanguine outcomes. Thus, even as you forge stronger bonds with family and friends, these trying times may impel you to look both inwards and outwards. As a result, you may foster a more enriching and consequential relationship with yourself.

(The author is Director, PRAYATNA)